It was the beginning of July. I was on my way back from Devon on a bus. I’d reached a point in my heartbreak where wrecking myself was no longer a way to avoid dealing with my pain, it had become unavoidable.

On that preface, crammed on a stinky Megabus, feeling like a shell of a human, I felt this energy rise in me, the need for internal clarity.
But I couldn’t just whip my guitar out, so instead I reached for my phone. 6 hours later and I’d typed down the lyrics to God knows how many songs, all that anger, sadness, frustration, loss came spewing out.
I didn’t go back and read them, it felt good to just have that all out of me.. I did have the intention of sitting down and putting them to song when the moment felt right.
A week later my mum arrived from wherever she arrives from (it’s different every time) and she needed a new phone. Without thought i reset my phone and gave it to her.
I woke up, maybe 10 hours later, with the realisation of what I’d done.
‘I’ve just deleted all those lyrics haven’t I?’
&^#&$#)$&&#@$)#$ >>(@$*$&\

I was devastated at my disregard for my own emotions.
It’s 2am, my mum is asleep next to me, my nan in the next room. I need to cry. I need to go outside. I need to smoke. I go downstairs.
The loss of those lyrics, the loss. Everything was fresh again. Just as it had been in April.
I put my voice memo on record, picked up my guitar and for the next 45 mins I played these songs, one after the other, as if they were already formed, just as you hear them.
They’re nothing like those original notes from the Megabus, maybe you could call them a ‘refined version’, whatever you call it, they came out fast and real.. I guess I had to break my heart again to really get out the truth. (losing lyrics as a songwriter is fucking heartbreaking).

Just before I left the UK I had a spare day and wanted to get these recorded, so I could leave feeling they were really ‘off me’.
Going back into that emotion again was a hard but beautiful lesson to learn in terms of trying to record something in a very emotional state. I cried most of the time, and you can hear that, the slobby sniffs, the jangly guitar, i’m hurt.
I didn’t think I’d ever release them because of that.
It’s so personal...my songs are all personal, but these ones are like when someone opens your diary and reads some deep shit.
But if this year has taught me anything it’s to allow myself to be seen…
And in turn to allow space for people to feel everything. By sharing what my heart wants to get off itself, i heal myself through the process.
It’s been a year of crazy highs and lows for me, as I’m sure it has for you too.
I want to thank those people who have pulled me through it, you know who you are.


This is my offering to you 2018